90 Day Fiancé Tell All - Part 1

Let’s start with - Tell All PART 1!?

I seriously have to watch another two f*cking hours of this shit next week!? Also, how does Kalani come off as the most reasonable person on this show?

I can’t.

NOTE: Remember this was filmed November 18, 2018. Unfortunately, a lot has transpired since then.

Here are the Top 10 moments of last night’s Tell All. (They’re not in order!)


1 - The entire production crew pretending they didn’t know Coltee and Larissa weren’t going to be on time.

Come ON. You knew these assholes weren’t showing up on time. Stop pretending like it’s some big emergency. This was planned so you could have a whole SECOND Tell All next week, an additional two hours that will 100% be The Colt and Larissa Show.

So their ‘legal and personal problems this week’ resulted in them being an hour late? Pa-lease.


2 - TLC pretending that Larissa’s luggage was lost, and then scrambling to find her something to wear.

Production either paid the airline to lose Larissa’s luggage, or Larissa lied about it being lost so she could get a better outfit. Either way, watching the Queen yell at production to find her something suitable to wear was hilarious and amazing trash tv.

larissa dress.PNG

3 - Leida’s fake crying.

I do not believe this for one. f*cking. second.


4 - Asuelu’s inability to deal with the fighting over Larissa.

Boy wants to be sent back to the fishing village where it’s QUIET - this drama is not for him.


5 - The Fernanda-Larissa fight.

We are fortunately going to get a lot more of this next week, if the teasers are true.

People were all over my Instagram account calling Fernanda a Mean Girl and a bully, but honestly, I did not think she was worse than Larissa, was was firing shots at Fernanda’s ‘bony body’ and ‘bad hair.’

fer larissa fight.PNG

6 - How excited Ashley was to see Olga.

They must be friends, and for some reason this makes me very happy.


7 - Steven’s weed socks.

Interesting choice of socks. I appreciate the hilarity of it, at the least.


8 - The entire cast acting like the ‘90 days’ is a trial period for their relationship.

The 90 days is meant to be for people who KNOW each other, have decided to get ENGAGED, and have plans to get MARRIED. The 90 days isn’t meant as a trial period to figure out if you like someone. I don't understand how they’re talking about his like… “You have 90 days to decide if you like the person!’ That’s not what it is.


9 - Jay not knowing what monogamous means, literally and figuratively.

Jay responds with a sigh when Sean Robinson asks if he can be in a monogamous relationship. Kalani, whose own husband has the vocabulary of a 3rd grader, knows right away that Jay just doesn’t know this adult word.

I died.


10 - This teased line from next week’s SECOND Tell All session.

Colt comes out GUNS BLAZING. Gimme. I want all of it.