In Episode 6: Coltee is attention-whoring; Sarah-with-the-Glasses brings out some seriously delicious-looking cake; Jay is bored as f*ck in Mechanicsburg; Asuelu’s boohole hurts after learning to ride a bike; drama ensues between Leida and Daughter Eric.
Here’s what happened this week.
Coltee and Larissa
Coltee and Larissa go to dinner. Oh yeah, and Mama Deb too. Because what’s a celbratory engagement dinner without your mother!?
Larissa is glad to get some real food because food of Mama Debbie “haven't salt, haven’t sauce.” To Larissa’s credit, it does sound like hospital food.
At the Brazilian steakhouse we see a hot Brazilian waiter cut steak on the bias while Larissa exclaims they’re like millionaires! Only rich people can eat this type of meat in Brazil.
The steak is delicious until Coltee starts destroying Larissa’s dreams of having a big wedding. They couldn’t possibly pay $50 a head for wedding food! Especially for their 12 total guests who might attend. Chic-FilA wedding catering it is!
Steven and Olga
I’m hoping Steven just has road rage, and that’s why he’s yelling at Olga in the car. Baby Eagle is sound asleep.
Steven wants his kid to have manners ‘n stuff!
It’s also become very apparent that Olga is the most patient person on this show.
When they get home, things seem to calm down and they communicate about how they need to communicate more, and the problems they have communicating.
I know some may disagree, but I’m totally still rooting for these two.
Jonathan and Fernanda
Jonathan and Fernanda go to Chicago to meet Jonathan’s family. They’re mad at him because they found out he was engaged a’la Facebook. Apparently the 17 trips to Mexico to see Fernanda didn’t clue them into how serious this relationship was!
Otherwise, nothing happens and they’re more than half way through their 90 days. Basically, they’re a normal couple.
Ashley and Jay
Jay is bored as f*ck in Mechanicsburg.
(I hate to say this Jay, but… I told you so.)
It seems as though Jay isn’t following through on his promise to give Ashley the D every day.
Instead they’re fighting about how many times Jay is leaving the house and I can’t help but wonder about the logistics about how the hell he’s getting around. Is he calling an Uber? Does he have a bicycle?
Kalani, Asuelu, and Brother Kalani
I do not understand what is going on with Brother Kalani’s unicorn sweatshirt (with violent caption), but I think I’m into it.
Kalani managed to wash her hands since last week’s Cheetos, but now she isn’t sure she wants to marry Asuelu because he took the baby out of the car seat.
Asuelu, meanwhile, is hurting his boohole learning to ride a bike. TLC makes him look like a complete moron while Kalani explains she’s taking care of two kids - Baby Kalani and Baby Asuelu. She’s not sure she wants to marry him.
But she will marry him. Because they always get married on this show.
Eric and Leida
Indonesian-father-in-law has left the country!
Which means we now have to focus on this depressing situation with Eric’s daughter.
Tasha is on the lease, so legally Leida can’t kick her out.
Let me repeat that.
Eric’s daughter is on the f*cking lease.
Spoiler: Tasha moving out won’t make the apartment less shitty. I also really hope the air couch is hers, which means they’ll literally have no real or fake furniture when she leaves.
No one wants to be in American anymore.