Tonight’s Tell All was mostly a disappointment.
There were, however, a few precious moments of hilarity, which I’ve highlighted below. Overall, the 90 Day Fiancé Cray Cray podcast is ready for some fresh meat and a new season.
Here's my recap of Before the 90 Days: Season 2 Tell All.
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1 — Pole spits some wisdom about prison etiquette.
While Angela tries to get as close to Rachel’s nose without actually touching it, Pole declares “Anyone who’s been incarcerated knows you don’t point fingers. You learn that really fast in prison.”
Um… could we have given him a moment to elaborate on this!?
2 — Jesse ruins everyone’s night with his ridiculous pants.
What the fuck are these pants.
Just stop it.
3 — Pole carries his mom’s AND Karine’s hair in his backpack
If you watched last season, you know that Pole keeps a lock of his mother’s hair with him at all times. Now he seems to have cut a lock of Karine’s hair while she was sleeping to carry with him in his traveling-hair-treasure-chest.
Karine and mother do not seem fazed by this news.
4 —Angela fulfills my 90 Day dreams… and then immediately revokes them.
What’s this, you say, dear Angela!? MyKul has started the K1 visa process!? I get to see you and MyKul frolicking around small-town Georgia? I get to hear more Angela audacious commentary, and see more treasures revealed from Angela’s bra? Sign me up! I’m so ready!
Then Angela sees some footage of MyKul calling her his ‘elder’ and suddenly the whole thing is off.
5—Jon informs us there are only 10 good stepdads in the world.
According to Jon, there are “maybe 10 really decent men who are good stepdads.” He then goes on to explain how he is a hero because he’s willing to “raise another man’s child” and most men are beta, because *** ***** ***** ****
It’s impossible to know Jon’s exact comments because there’s so much bleeping.
6—Ricky breaks up with Ximena based on a 12-year-old’s relationship advice.
Ricky was 100% in love with Melissa… I mean Ximena... UNTIL he got back to Columbus Ohio and spoke with his daughter.
“You shouldn’t just jump from one relationship to another,” Amber says, which prompts Ricky to break it off with Ximena and get back together with his ex wife.
“You know I’m a good person, right?” he asks Ximena.
No Ricky, we do not know.
7—Tarik mistakenly thought Hazel drank abortion tea.
Hazel thought she was pregnant (I guess this means the pillow barrier was dismantled?), and Tarik tells the story of how he misunderstood that she drank abortion tea to get rid of the baby.
“It was extremely emotional,” says Tarik.
“A little rude,” says Hazel with a completely straight face.
8 —Jon confirms he’s a violent person while trying to convince everyone he’s not a violent person.
“Lots of people have convictions. I grew up in an area where everyone was fighting," Jon explains about his 50 or 60 fights.
“Other men are beta males. Just pathetic little *****. I’m a real man so I’ll fight when I need to!” This is to prove his masculinity, you see. Because one can only do that by beating the shit out of another human being.